Inspiracija Kolumna by Nives

One drop of envy, nine drops of love

There is an unbelievable quantity of envy by which we are surrounded every day. Envy, actually weakness because envy is nothing else but weakness of confronting your own, personal impossibilities, non–values, non–achievements. Envy is an non-strength, helplessness and drowning in averageness and below-the-averageness and product of our carelessness toward ourselves. The one who jumps out is not only courageous for changes and self-confrontation but also satisfied with himself and his own achievements. He’s so busy working on himself and new assignments that he doesn’t have time thinking where he got stuck. He just keeps marching forward.


Envy is being unsatisfied with what we have. We envy to everything. The neighbor because he has better car, bigger flat, better house, pool in the middle of the garden, woman who has a man that we desire, young man on the street because he is in a company of prettier partner than we have. So basically, the grass is always greener in the neighbors garden, his flowers smell better and someone others success seems bigger than our own. Our achievements seem miserable in confront with the ones from the other people. Sometimes we even envy our own child because he’s more successful than we are, which is very ugly, but one has to keep in mind that most of the parents are unachieved, didn’t kept up with their ambitions and that our consciousness and soul always explore the world around us, bringing us into new temptations and challenges out of which we learn and become bigger.


We can also envy our partner, if he’s more successful than us, if he achieves and earns more. Our own brother and sister and it that way, regarding the evolutional parameters, we didn’t move much forward from prehistory.

Why is it like that? The envy problem is known since ever, since the “first fall”, then over Cain and Abel when God, according to the legend, looked into Abel work, and not his brothers. So, is it all God’s fault? No, in human consciousness in those times maybe yes, but that’s not how it should be in modern times as the mind evolves.

But some minds never seem to evolve, at least not in some areas and sometimes it looks like some areas of the country are crawling with envious ones. So, in that way, there is a competition in envy between north and south, east and west of the country, and everyone claims: “We have the most envy!”

A little bit of the envy from Zagreb region: M. shut the doors of her car and with 2 big shopping bags hurried to the house entrance. She thought she will pass unnoticed but on the window there was yet again her curious neighbor. She greeted her with a short “good afternoon” but those short couple of seconds of her envious look was enough to stay in her mind for the rest of the day.

Her new shoes she has worn that same night for a night out with her girlfriends. When answering to their question about the price of those shoes she felt how one of them is burning with jealousy. After the familiar sound of “yaaa,heeee” one of them had to add an additional comment:

  • You are a very lucky woman, I wish I would have such a generous husband. I envy you very much, you won the jackpot.

On the way home, her friend’s comment made her think. “This envy is omnipresent and stronger by each passing day”, she thought, “why is it like that?”


Competition is in the human nature, since the beginnings of time; if it wasn’t for it there would be no development of the consciousness nor the achievements and inventions, but when the competition and the will for power become stronger than the reason, here comes the envy and the overtaking by our egos. We all go trough this soul test at least once in our life, when we find someone more successful in front of our goals and ambitions. Then we ask ourselves why does this person has more luck than us. It’s all human, but what it is not human is to keep ourselves on low level thoughts and passions.


While we keep the competition healthy and controlled, it is positive and productive. While the (moderately dosed) jealousy is motivating, envy is self destroying. It is eating us like living mud and it is difficult to get out of it. The way out is possible in the moment when we come to the very edge of it in which we almost come to the “system failure” and we almost sink. That is the moment in which our survival mechanisms start to wake up. If they were sleeping until now, all our self defense mechanisms are now awake. Sometimes, when we’re on the edge, we activate them by ourselves and sometimes our surroundings or our organism gets tired of it so we’re forced on changes.


Self-control and work on our being can help winning the fight against jealousy and not getting into the envious state of mind. If you did however got into enviousness, try to realize where you stand and if you’re not planning to continue with sinking into hopelessness, worthlessness or illness, grab yourselves, for self-help, for your biggest values. You certainly possess some talents that the people you envy to do not possess, you have certain skills which the others don’t have or are not as good in them as you are. There must be something, thanks to which your self-confidence can continue growing bigger without being interrupted.

A lot of people say they are envy-free, but then on the other hand, how can you claim for yourself that you have good intention and that you’re looking for a bright side of everything, when you are saying maliciously: “I hope the envy eats them” and “Let them envy us”

What is it there for you in their envy? Do you find it amusing?


M.’s case is just one of the many. Recently I attended a meal where one of the guests was touching her expensive jewelry the whole time while speaking with me. For this occasion she dressed herself to emphasize the richness of her family and the whole time we had to listen about their luxurious house, car and accomplishments. That same guest 15 years ago didn’t even have decent kitchenware in her rented flat where she lived with her partner, and was thinking of my life like the one from the Spanish soap operas. In one of the discussions she said to me that she envies me on everything I have which her partner confirmed. The other day during the meal she was probably expecting in return my jealousy, persistently speaking just about herself, her money, houses and not in one moment asked anything about the accomplishments of my family. It didn’t surprise me, I smiled and accepted her as she is but I was observing her the way she was now, all dressed up, perfumed, sweet-worded and false and concluded: “Ok, she has tons of money but it doesn’t matter as she will never leave anything worthy, creatively on in any other way, besides her kids. Even the dust behind her will be blown away by the wind.” Because of the luxurious life she gave up her personality and her talents and started playing the role of a housewife, not to say slave to a man that allowed her living this way. No matter of her owning, she is still envious, but this time on creativity and self-realization of others, and is trying to convince all of us how her path is the right one! To manage to handle her frustration, she ignores other people’s work on purpose.


Never envy to people who all they have is money and procreation products and are trying to convince you that that’s what it’s all about. Aim always to higher goals and do not envy to the ones that have all you ever dreamed of because they achieved those things in different ways. The ones hat achieved it in the honest way will help you however to come to their level, especially if you become their friends.


Some people literally provocate the envy of other people because they have more success than the others in different fields. Not only do they emphasize their success, but they also fire it up even more with their mean and provocative comments and messages. The best example for this are the social networks where everyone gets pretty relaxed and forget about good education and rules of behavior. It is ugly to see on social networks postings such as: ”They should eat themselves alive, envious bitches. Let them see me enjoying my time.” “We’re super, let everyone envy us.” “Haters-die.”

We are all witnesses of these and similar writings, but let me ask you something, where do they lead? Into new anger and jealousy. If you really think of yourselves as good people as you present yourselves, don’t show your bad temper because the mask can fall off easily because of carelessness and going down to the level of the envious ones makes you one of them. Are you going to say it’s human to do so? Everything is human, even to make mistakes and to lose control sometimes but then you don’t come out as a strong person, the one that doesn’t mean anything bad to the others. Do you find making fun of the less successful ones entertaining and have no intention in helping them? Excuse me but then you are not a very good person and think about if you are planning to change.

Just be what you are but in your mind you cannot serve to the 2 masters, the Love and the Envy.


Saint Thomas claims that envy is vicious. It’s a deadly sin, the religion warns us because it is in a direct conflict with mercy and love, as the Archbishop Paglia says. The Envy happens to everyone, and grows in the time of economical crisis. If it is not under control it becomes dangerous, both for our life as for the one of the others. Heavy, or deadly sin the man does when he does a great evil completely conscious and by his own will. The envy doesn’t go around anyone but some people resist its temptation.


Some of us will reach for self-help manuals in the moments of the biggest crisis, other ones for the religious literature while other will go to the psychologist or psychiatrist by their own initiative to see what’s wrong with them.


The envy grows when our own un-success looks bigger than other people’s success. What affects the growth of envy? Surroundings. If we grew up surrounded by envious family members or parents, there is a big possibility that we will become like them one day. If we meet a partner who is completely opposite in that from us, there is a big possibility that we won’t find a way in that situation, that his inner peace is unreachable. So we need to move from the bad surroundings. The envy takes us into mocking and hatred, and the hatred takes us directly into illness. It is not called one of the deadly sins for nothing. It destroys our mind, soul, heart and body. Envious people are eating themselves because of their helplessness and often have a weak immune system and defense mechanism, as the experts are warning us.

Their nerves don’t work in a proper way because, saying it in a more pitoresque way, “the others get on their nerves”, but it actually means there are collecting in their body the bitterness and losing energy which can bring to both physical and psychical illnesses.


So we can say that envy is a poison for which there is no place in ourselves if we accept and love ourselves or we are too busy with our own progress.

When you envy, you don’t love yourself at all, and you are doing a big damage to your body and mind. So it is up to you to decide should you serve the Love or the Envy?

The liver and bile are connected with anger and heart and small intestine with joy, so the experts say, so we should keep in mind that “diving” into dark thoughts is intensively wasting our energy.


So as it is to conclude, being envious is mostly to work against ourselves, which leads us into sickness and ruin. Envy is presenting other people’s hard work and effort so the person wouldn’t completely get out of the game of the envious ones and a completely useless habit and activity, which you can quit the very today.

Here are some helpful thoughts to help you with envy:

“There is no reason to be envious to the one that’s helping you whenever you need him. Even if he wouldn’t be helping you, use his experience as a gift to learn from. Actually there is no reason to be envious at all.”

“There is one nice cure for envy- work on yourself and faith in good outcome.”

Nives Stepinac Grgurić (pseudonym Nives Stern) is a freelance writer, columnist and the author of many articles in the area fashion, lifestyle and relationships for fashion portals, blogs and magazines. For more texts and info please visit writer’s page Nives-Stern.
In case of cooperation please contact through contact form at

Photo:, noahpinionblog
Translation: Anita Pavičić



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